A day in the life of Tweedleville

A day in the life of Tweedleville. AKA... WTF is wrong with you people?!!

Teh stoopid. It pains me.

Let me back up. *sigh*

As some of you know, I work in a place I lovingly call... Tweedleville. I work for...

the Tweedle Twins. Dee and Dum.

That is me. 

We build solid surface countertops here in Tweedleville. Last year we did a job up in Alaska. It seems that Dee screwed it up. We managed to ship a bunch of countertops up to Barrow Alaska, 1" too short. 

As usual, Dee was so close. 

Tomorrow, we send a guy up to Barrow to fix said countertop screw up. We, um... don't live in Alaska. So, we are flying our guy up to Barrow.

Which is like... the top of the world. A very hospitable place this Barrow is. A thriving metropolis of snow and ice...

and polar bears...

Let us not forget the polar bears.

So... we are sending this guy from Oregon, to Barrow Alaska. Doesn't seem like a huge problem, generally speaking; it should just be a matter of guy flies up, guy fixes, guy comes home. An inconvienience of suck, but... not disastrous. Unless of course... you are a Tweedle.

I have just learned that we are flying a guy up there in the morning. We decided to do this without sending his tools first.

Not a couple/few tools. 150-250 LBS of tools. We are going to send those on the plane like... luggage. Because everyone knows luggage never gets lost.

We aren't sure if you can fly 150-250 LBS of tools on the puddle jumper to Barrow, Tweedles says it's fine. All is well. Of course each fishing trip to Alaska he personally takes they loose his gear and the fish takes a week to get home because you can't fly with it being in such a big box, but... never mind that. None of that matters.

So, we are going to fly said dude, with tool crate on plane.

Check.

We can't fly with glue or chemical supplies of any kind. Of course, we don't want to make sure they have any of it up there from the original shipment, because... well... quite frankly, I don't know why.

Probably because that would make sense.

We also don't have the proper contact info to know exactly where our guy is going. Who, if anyone, is picking him up, where the camp is, or... well... anything else.

So, to recap, Tweedles is sending a guy, to the top of the world, hoping he might have tools when he lands, he might have supplies when he gets there, and he may be able to hop a glacier and ride into a camp and after knocking on enough igloo doors while dodging polar bears to find his way and he will reach his destination in a timely manner so no more mistakes are made.

Go Tweedles. You plan is flawless.

Tweedle dumbassery gives me migraines.

And an eye twitch.

My job in all this... fix it when it goes awry.

Shit, now both eyes are twitching.

*sigh*

Go Tweedles.

I guess the moral of this Tweedleville story is...

I vera glad I'm not that guy.

And I'm not going to get eaten by a polar bear while surfing on glacier.

I win.

o.O

Gone fishin'

Well, not really. Yet. It's still winter here, and it's not yet fishing season.

But soon. :D

I am vacating this blog thou. I have too many soooo... I'm consolidating.

You can find me back over at the Place mostly. Back to the books, the hotties and... whatever in the hell tickles my fancy on any given day.

You can also find me at my new website, f.Inguz Art, where my other me, Freia, hangs out and play with shiny rocks and make mah jewel-er-ies. :D

At least until winter is over and the photography bug bites me and fishing season opens. Then... no telling where I'll be. ;)

Later taters!

Best letter ever. The "Have a Happy Period" Complaint Letter

After being reminded today of how deeply I detest the "Have Happy Period" slogan, which during a bad hormonal upheaval... can actually drive me into fits of wanting to strangle the dumbass dude that came up with that happy ad campaign... *clears throat* um... 'k moving on...

After being reminded today... I remembered seeing the perfect letter awhile back, addressing said dude. Thought I'd share. Again.

Best letter evah.

*****

This is an "actual letter" from an Austin , Texas woman sent to Proctor and  Gamble regarding one of their feminine products. This was PC Magazine's 2009 Editors' Choice award-winner for the best letter sent via e-mail.

Dear Mr. Thatcher,

I have been a loyal user of your 'Always' maxi pads for over 20 years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the Leak Guard Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight,white shorts.

But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.

Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? I'm guessing you haven't.

Well, my time of the month is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call 'an inbred hillbilly with knife skills.'

Isn't the human body amazing?

As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you've no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customer's monthly visits from 'Aunt Flo'. Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it's a tough time for most women.

The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants.. Which brings me to the reason for my letter. Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: 'Have a Happy Period.'

Are you f------ kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing happiness, is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak, there will never be anything 'happy' about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don't march down to the local Walgreen's armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.

For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say something that's actually pertinent, like 'Put down the Hammer' or 'Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong'.

Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bullsh!t. And that's a promise I will keep.

Always. . ...

Wendi Aarons Austin , TX